Where do queer, enby, ADHD and autism intersect?
Sometimes, for me, they meet on the table.
Or next to the sink.
Or in my jewellery box.
Or, as it happens, precisely not where my earring is supposed to be.
Okay. But where the hell is my earring now — the one that doesn’t even fit into my jewellery box anymore?
I thought I always kept it in exactly one place.
Nope.
When I’m in a rush and take it off in the evening, it ends up here one day and somewhere else the next.
Okay. I really need to bring some order into this.
Oh, there’s a good documentary on TV.
Oh, my wife just said something to me.
Uh… what was I about to do?
No idea.
I think I’m thirsty.
Oh. There’s my coffee.
Huh.
Cold.
How long has that mug been sitting there?
Wait — is it that late already?
And why is my smartwatch telling me it’s almost out of battery?
Okay, I’ll take it off and charge it.
But I need something on my wrist.
Which other watch should I wear?
And where is my favourite one?
Oh.
Left it at the office.
Fine. I’ll wear that other one over there.
Hmm.
Wasn’t I going to get something to drink?
No idea.
But there’s still a sip of coffee left.
Ugh.
Cold.
Whatever. Still drinkable.
I need to leave soon.
Wasn’t I going to put my earring back in?
Ah.
There it is, on the table.
Is that where I usually keep it?
Neurodivergent order isn’t being fussy. It’s accessibility.
For ADHD and autism, “everything has its place” isn’t merely some ideal of a tidy household.
It is external memory for the brain.
A jewellery box. A tray. A hook. A charging spot. A key rack.
These aren’t trivial details.
They are assistive systems.
And when you’re queer or enby, there is another layer to it: the things that disappear often aren’t arbitrary objects.
It isn’t just some earring.
It is part of how I present myself.
A small symbol of my identity.
When it’s missing, what’s missing isn’t merely a piece of jewellery, but part of a coherent way of presenting myself to the world.
The earring landing zone
Not a jewellery box somewhere.
A very specific place — always the same place — exactly where I actually take the earring off.
Not where it theoretically belongs, but where the real version of me at the end of the day actually puts it down.
For example:
a small jewellery tray at the place where I genuinely tend to take things off
a second little dish next to the bed, sofa or bathroom sink
a transit bowl for things that will be sorted properly later
a watch-charging station with a spare watch next to it
a visible hook or magnetic spot for individual favourite pieces
I don’t have to force my brain to adapt to a perfect organisational system.
I need to build an organisational system that takes my actual brain seriously.
But how do I stop myself from constantly being pulled away by external and internal stimuli?
How do you regain some control in that permanent conflict?
What works for you?
Tell me in the comments.
I wrote such a long comment and then I forgot what the original question was and I went back to check and my draft was deleted :,(
I already forgot again xD
Okay never mind
For me I am trying to accept that I will never be or work linear.
I am trying to fight less and trust that I will do it somehow.
What helps me is to have some kind of “eye in the storm”. For small situations but also in larger (time, space) context. To have something I can come back to so I can allow myself to get completely lost because I have some anchor.
So I am trying to build some kind of structure to allow myself to go chaos.
So that’s what I am going to write for now.
I really enjoyed your text. I really resonated with the thinking structure and I love that you showed that in your text.
Also I think it’s amazing that you are posting on substrack. I am glad to connect with another neurodivergent enby.
This world is so hard, of course depending on your character. Probably the more developed your character is the harder the quest of living is ?
Ach I don’t fucking now, I am lost
Greetings
Mo